We should all be so blessed to have friends and acquaintances like Kwame Kilpatrick had.
People gave him gifts -- and I mean gifts -- while he was mayor. Contractor Tony Soave's generosity included $400,000 worth of trips aboard his private jet and a $6,000 Cartier watch.
Other business people say they gave cash and donated to his nonprofit Kilpatrick Civic Fund. Friends and acquaintances supposedly gave cash gifts at his birthday bashes.
And underlings at city hall donated cash for lavish presents for his birthdays and Christmas.
That outpouring must have been out of love, out of kindness. His defense attorney will gladly tell you that. Why else would people give?
It all makes me feel rather insecure.
Heck, I’m a nice guy. I’ve got plenty friends.
It must be that my friends really suck. Or I just don’t know how to pick them.
I’ve got good friends like Buddy Fenster, who I’ve known for 40 years. Fenster didn’t give me a dime for my last birthday.
Sure, I may not be as charismatic as Kwame.
I may not dress as nicely. I may not have a 14-karat-gold smile. I may not be able to speak in pithy soundbites.
But by gosh, I have lots of friends. And darn it, they know I like money and gifts, just like Kwame.
In fact, I believe firmly that the quote from Stuart Smalley, the Al Franken character on "Saturday Night Live," applies to me: “I'm good enough, I’m smarter enough, and doggone it, people like me.”
Time may be running out. The jury is deliberating in Kwame's public corruption case. If he’s convicted, he'll undoubtedly go to prison.
Which brings me to this desperate plea:
Please Kwame, before this crazy chapter in your life wraps up, tell me your secret on how to get friends and acquaintances to cough up gifts and cash presents.
Do share.
And when you’re done telling me, please share with the residents of Detroit, particularly those who have fallen on hard times.
After all, who couldn’t use an extra buck?
